Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
