you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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