I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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