The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
