wanna go halves on a baby?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
