its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
how does that bad decision feel?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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