Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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