so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
