I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
BRING THE BAGELS
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
