i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just found puke in my bra..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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