hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
