So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The feeling are messing with the penis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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