we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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