my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just cropdusted the office
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
