apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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