he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
