Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
