Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have tasted many bathrooms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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