it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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