Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
