Ambien. No doubt about it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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