sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
