hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
