Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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