my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
