The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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