Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
