the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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