You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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