We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
