i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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