I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
