Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
