one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
