i already hear my dad disowning me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
