So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
