You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Pooping to opera.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
