you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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