I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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