like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
