did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
