i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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