ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize