I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
