i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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