you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
