Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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