Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
