I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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