Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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