I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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