What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
