FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
