If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
