You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize