Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
