sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
