that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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