Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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