It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
