47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
