i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
