Sponge bath it is.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
