The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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