I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
