I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
