I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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