he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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