do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
