I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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