I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
